Watching tableaus change before my eyes –
people moving, scenarios altered,
everything now happens in a sort of vacuum –
all outside of me and I outside of all.
All outside of me and I outside of all
I float in the stillwater of myself
observing storms that rage around me –
have done so for years beyond recall.
And I am young by human standards
but my heart feels old.
I observe the heat of others
and it leaves me cold.
I waited for the snowfall
but finally when it came
the snowflakes melted in the air
before they reached the ground
and all remained the same.
I waited for the sunshine
but when I finally caught a beam
it had no strength against the chill
so seeing how it came and went
might just as well have been a dream.
I look ahead, now void of hope
and wonder: What might stay
if anything at all.
Why bother grasping anything:
It comes and goes away.
The sunset seems to burn the sea –
It flares up like your smile –
A moment of serenity –
Then gone –
And when I’m gone
you also won’t remember me –
You might as well hold my shadow –
it clings on tightly to you –
it will not let you go
unless embraced and wooed.
You might as well have my eyes –
they only see you anyway –
they focus only on your way
so take them – (they are liars).
Where are my sunrises?
Where are my sunsets?
Where are my days?
An endless night
has taken their place.
Where are all my colours?
Where is all the music?
Colourless it fades.
A blurry image of a world
now passes by – abates.
Where are my sunsets?
There’s no sun to make them.
A distant globe in the sky
whose cold light retreats
is all that shines up high.
Where did you go?
Why did you go?
What of my sunsets?
How will I ever know?
You see what’s in me hidden,
you know what I will say.
You know I’m with you smitten,
and yet you stay away.
I do not need your arguments
and reason has no power;
if you don’t share my sentiments
tell me! this very hour.
But nothing – nothing’s spoken
and such it must remain –
my feelings are unbroken;
in silence they remain.
I’ve loved you since my childhood.
I’ll love you till I die.
Your immaterial material being
has made me laugh and cry.
I know each nook and corner,
I’ve walked each street and path.
And though I’ve left in person
I left behind one half.
I catch you in my thoughts
quite often unawares,
no matter where I am
I’m caught up in your snares.
I miss your tree-lined streets,
I miss your chimney smoke,
I miss the fog horns to whose sound
I oftentimes awoke.
I miss your tough, hard people
with their surprising warmth;
made me forget all want.
I miss you; yes, I miss you
wherever else I go;
You have me, I am yours
no matter where I go.
For I cannot forget you!
there’s no home left for me –
I couldn’t stay with you
and no place else appeals to me.
I’m lonely all the time now
though not for want of folks –
for want of you, my hometown,
and your sweet, soothing voice:
The voice of sea gulls screaming,
of factories and fog horns –
the rhythm of my heartbeat;
the voice that calls me home.
Arising from the ground, outspreading careless waxy limbs
that’s merely periscopes that on its hidden body climbs,
unfolding innovative shapes that plants may envy but never copy,
unrolling laces or upbearing knots or plates, swift, carelessly,
with white eyes eying us out of its reddish head
from tree roots (where it feeds on those already dead),
unworldly and unwieldly, standing on its own
and though so carefully with all of nature interwoven;
fungi, you resourceful old recycler and renewer
you scare me, not because of fear of poison (though that too
might be sufficient reason to fear most of you)
but more than anything because I know some day
I’ll have to meet you in a most intimate way –
in death you’ll find me since you live by feeding on decay
You fired me with love, set me ablaze
In a slow-burning, everlasting craze
And then you fled, forgetting in your speed
to give me remedies against the heat
And I burned up, yet kept on burning
overcome with such deep yearning
for your eyes, your smile, your… all!
How could I so deeply fall?
Now consumed with fire, I can tell:
This love is the only existing Hell!
The sunlight is lost for a moment –
then suddenly it frames
and fences in a wandering cloud
which has its mind on the journey bent