my brain’s full of worms –
thoughts strung together –
they eat up anything left of worth
and leave a trail of filth
for me to delve in –
nothing left to discover
i would dance if i could and the earth never shook
and the future never failed and became the past –
i would dance, but i can’t
since tomorrow’s unsure, and today won’t really begin –
i would dance if i thought that i could and i ought
and i had all the options i thought i should have –
i would dance but i can’t
since the world weighs down and kills all attempts at song –
i would dance if the world and i was young
but we’ve both petrified in our ways –
the days go by – they pale and die
and i can’t lift a foot – so i stay –
fatigue hums through empty air – empty head aches –
voices hum behind, around – mere distant sound –
clacking keyboard keys ennumbing fingers – feelings –
friday ticks towards a weekend come too late –
head, heart, feelings, thoughts – reeling –
This new poem is contemplating the history of humanity and how we came to be – and for that reason it has been excluded from my up-coming poetry collection “Light Requires Darkness” as it simply didn’t align with the rest of the content. It is way too philosophical and not nearly personal enough, one might say.
However, despite that, I’d hate letting it go to waste, as I really wrung my brain attempting to write it in the first place. So, here you have it (and the collection will start to follow one poem at a time in the near future).
Continue reading New Poem: “Present Past”
This isn’t actually a new poem – it is a new version of an older poem that I wasn’t good enough at the time to make rhyme properly.
All the same, I won’t add a long description as the poem is fairly self-explanatory. You know how, when you’re in love with someone and want to let them know but is crippled by anxiety and fear of rejection? Yeah, basically that.
The night creeps up above us,
envelops us and shows us
light is unnecessary
The evening winds caress us
and breathes their lightness on us
slowly in disarray
We sit and night falls on us
its darkness all around us
we sit here quietly
And had we hoped between us
that night would ease and help us
more so than did the day
We should have felt within us
a certain sense of loss
at not knowing what to say
you are the reason for my mood;
you, who once cut through my solitude
and ought again to come and cut through –
but do it just in dreams – oh, you –
I dreamt of you again last night,
dreamt that you disappeared or died;
I saw a lightning strike close by,
skywards I screamed out: “Why? Oh, why?”
Upon awaking, all I knew
was that in dreams I lose you too;
you can’t be kept – I shouldn’t try;
there is no trap from which you wouldn’t fly
But when I see your smile, asleep,
arise from a memory buried deep
nothing can still my overwhelming solitude
and I scream within the dream:
“Why, Nykteri? Why you?”
I have it
and I have it not
the will to live,
to laugh and love –
it comes and goes,
it ebbs and flows,
but how to give
and how to trust?
I think I can
and think it not,
I would believe
but that is hard –
a life is short,
a trauma long.
How to progress
before I’m gone?
I saw her in a vision –
an image of perfection –
I know her to be real
yet unreal there.
She didn’t deign to look
and I am not surprised –
as always she despairs
in her own sphere.
She could have gone with me –
I could have let her be –
anything could happen
in the night that can’t distinguish –
but I am left here now –
love has burst out from me –
it ran out like a river –
it flushed all goodness out
in all its passion.
All it left was dregs;
the heavy, dark remains
that I am left to tend
here all alone.
Is there something left to say?
Is there some good in store for humanity?
I wonder, as I always did;
I worry, as I should!
The world is always changing.
And so are we as well.
But I was always told that things
would turn out for the better?
Now, I need to see it happen
in order order to believe in anything at all!
I absolutely hate this vitriol –
I hate this cruel division.
Aren’t we all people?
Aren’t we all human?
Can we not stand together?
Can we not agree?
We share the world
with one another –
is that so hard to see?
I draw life
and life draws me too
but life does it better
than I ever do.