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New Poem: “portrait 12”

MARCH:
I’m tired of my IT job –
I’m going to make it big! –
so I’m co-founding this start-up
with branded coffee cups
and an idea that’ll stick!

No boss to push me around –
no schedule to follow!
I’ll do whatever I please
starting from tomorrow!

APRIL:
I’m so proud of what I do!
I believe in it! Everything!
From the launch that we went through
to the posters I designed
and the visiting cards too!
And the website – which is great –
the future looks so bright!
This is what I was meant to do!

JUNE:
The bills didn’t pay themselves
so I had to take in a few
clients whose projects I didn’t
really want to do –
and some wouldn’t pay
and some complained
and I work much more
than I did before –

but I shouldn’t complain
since I asked for this, right?
I’m still my own boss
and that’s got to be right…

AUGUST:
I am not my own boss.
I had one boss before –
now I can hardly keep score –

Why did I ever
try this again?
It’s just so hard
to comprehend.

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New Poem: “portrait 10”

we could go to this fastfood place
if you’re hungry (or anyway)!
look – cheap burgers! –

oh, I see the sign,
walk 1 mile that way
to get a tiny piece
of unidentifiable meat,
paper-like cheese
and soggy bread
in order not
to feel full
afterwards –
and you even have
to pay – if a little –
for the privilege
of going hungry –

what a bargain!

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New Poem: “portrait 9”

outraged teenagers
discuss personal matters
on a bus –
perhaps not caring
and perhaps deliberately
wanting us to hear
their smut –

“my friend broke up
with her boyfriend
through two years
a whole month ago
and hasn’t yet
had sex
with another!”

“a whole month!
isn’t that unnatural?” –

I feel like screaming
how about five years?
out loud
right now –
but they would think
I’m a fossil at 27
so I don’t –
I know I’m an outlier to want
intimacy in a relationship
instead
of random physical
encounters with strangers –
so I maintain
silence –
quietly feeling sick and dirty
over here
in my own seat –

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New Poem: “portrait 8”

not even looking
since looks could deceive
the fact that she
used to know
someone like me –
not fashionably dressed,
clearly
not from the city –
any traces of roots
relating her to me
were to be cut
if she could –
how she must have fought
and lied and tried
to hide her dialect
in order to fit in
to a place
that never liked her
to begin with –
you know,
I always thought myself
her friend –
now I know
that my time was wasted –
she never wanted
acceptance –
she wanted annihilation
and she got it –
there’s nothing left of her
except this shell
that passes me
not even looking –

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New Poem: “portrait 7”

toughness
in the thick-rimmed
titanium glasses –
square jaw held high –
sure of himself –
sure of his field
and that he knew all of it
though fallen ten years behind –
why care to learn?
better pretend
and stay within the limits
once chosen –
wing the rest –
if you look assured enough
you’ll make it anyway –
this world revolves around talking –
content is secondary,
context no longer necessary –
and he had the glasses
and the computer
to prove his worth
if words failed –

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New Poem: “portrait 6 – self-portrait”

unsuited
for the digital age –
I don’t want
to brand myself –
i am human,
i am no product –
it does not come naturally.
I am a poet
not a screamer –
I hate having photos taken –
I hate videos all the more –
I am a poet
not a poster figure
for anything –
a disgruntled
former
wannaby revolutionary
who has resigned –
unsuited
for the 21st century,
and for the future
I can no longer hope
will improve –
what voice do I have
that I can brand
among the young crowd
who love showing
themselves? –
who love stating truths
without thinking
and who may even
be convinced
they are right? –
I am not convinced
of anything anymore –
I just ride the waves
of this life
and write –
but who will read me
if I don’t try
to be young with the young
and try to scream
as loud – at least –
as the crowd? –
no-one.
and perhaps that’s best
since I so rarely meet
a person
who understands
my point of view.
perhaps I am an extinct
species? –
perhaps I am the last
one left?
well, in that case
I am obliged to write
in any case
whether read or not –
am I not?

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New Poem: “portrait 5”

so, you said you have
a company? –
I am a social media influencer, yes! –
what does that
consist of? –
updating profiles,
testing products
that I get
and explaining
their usage –
so, basically
getting free stuff
and advertising –
no, no – that cannot
be compared!
see, I run a business! –
no – you expect others
to give you free stuff
because you don’t want
to work
to earn money
to pay for it –